And seeing as it's been two months (to the day, in fact) since I posted last... Well, the endless possibilities of an appropriate post title are overwhelming, okay? It happens.
I do apologize for not being around, but really, you're used to that by now, right? I certainly hope so. And I certainly hope to someday get to a point where it does indeed shock you when I disappear for that long, but alas. We are definitely not there yet. There's still time, though. Not to worry.
By way of explanation, then... I finally realized that abruptly weaning the wee folk, combined with the other major transition in our life involving The Barbarian being away on a regular basis, really sent me into a tailspin. Believe it or not, I'm a bit of a delicate flower emotionally (as many of us with a history of clinical depression are) and major life changes, especially ones with a physiological aspect such as the hormonal upheaval that often follows weaning, can present a huge challenge for me. Support is key in these times, but this one happened to be accompanied by a necessarily lessened degree of support from my main source, The Barbarian. We are truly blessed to have such supportive families nearby, who are willing and able to offer that support in myriad ways, but that can never replace the support received from one's partner. It's a special brand not easily--or ever, for that matter--duplicated.
But time helps and we are slowly but surely creating new routines and expectations, and finally coming to a place where we are all feeling much more confident in our ability to handle our new reality. The Barbarian comes home to regularly bathed children and a mostly tidy house now (which constitute major improvements), and making sure to schedule daily FaceTime chats has helped both him and the wee folk tremendously. It's still a bit tricky for them to transition out of having me be and do everything for them once he's home from a trip, but the sad and angry emotional outbursts during the first day or so are not the norm anymore. And that's awesome. For all of us.
We have another major change on the horizon, but hopefully it will prove to be a positive one: The wee folk are beginning daycare next month. No, I'm not working, and yes, they are going to daycare. No one seems to feel that's a bizarre set of circumstances except for me, and it's taking a bit of encouragement for me to accept it as somewhere in the realm of okay. But I desperately need regular time to myself with the wee folk out of the house and this seems to be the best solution for achieving that right now. Part of me absolutely feels I should be able to handle being a full-time mom, you know, full-time, but damn, is it intense. Someone phrased it this way recently, though, and it's made such a difference in the way I think about it: Most of us no longer have the proverbial village to help raise our children, so we will buy that village instead. Daycare, preschool, sports, creative classes, camps, etc. Through these activities and programs, our children come into contact with other (hopefully) caring adults, who have valuable things to offer them, as well as their peers, who bring an additional set of valuable offerings. They get to experience new things and learn new skills, ideas, and coping techniques, and parents receive much-needed breaks to refuel themselves and remember who they are outside of parenthood. A win-win, no? And although I struggle with the thought of leaving them with someone else in a new environment, I feel extremely comfortable with and confident in the provider we've found. So we shall see. Fingers crossed this works out well for all involved.
And that, my friends, is your update for the day. The next one will come sooner than the 26th of September.
I promise.
